Archive for March, 2011

Psychological Assessment

31 Mar

I got a call from someone at my local hospital yesterday asking if I could go in to see her and have a chat about where I am currently and how they can possibly help. I have never been in the mental health system before and so was feeling really nervous and had no idea what to expect. The woman was really nice, made me feel at ease pretty much straight away and although was obviously emotional for me, I explained I didn’t let people in very easily and that this was an extremely difficult situation for me. She seemed to understand this and allowed me to take my time when needed.

Again, the issue of suicide was brought up and I was asked if I had any plans and the means of which to do it. I said it would only take a trip to a couple of shops to get enough paracetamol (I know there is a limit on how many you are allowed to purchase in one shop!) but as it stood that very second I couldn’t be bothered to do that and all I wanted was to go home back to bed where I felt safe.

The woman said she thought it would be an idea to get the crisis team involved. I had no idea what this meant and so asked her to explain further. I was told that it was an alternative to being admitted in to hospital. That things I was saying and my demeanour led her to believe I was at high risk and the crisis team would come to my home and make sure I was ‘safe’ and provide 24 hour access to help if I needed it.

I honestly didn’t think I needed all of that but she said very rarely does anyone think they do and I have to trust the experts, so I said ok I would see them and go from there.


Change of GP

29 Mar

It has been a tough day today. I went to see a different GP and telling her my ‘story’ just brought everything back again and I just sat and cried in her room. She changed the tablets I was on to paraxotine 20mg and said these were better matched to me and mentioned post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) as a potential diagnosis. She told me she was going to ask for an assessment and someone would be in touch to speak to me because she was concerned at how ‘flat’ I sounded and how I didn’t seem to have any desire to live. To be honest I felt in a different world and didn’t really take anything in that she was saying. I don’t really know much about PTSD and so am going to try and do some reading around it and see how to get better.

The one thing I am feeling positive about though is this GP seems to really care and wasn’t bothered that the consultation actually took 20 minutes and in no way did I feel pressured in to leaving. I am hopeful that with her help I can really overcome this whole thing.


Follow Up

15 Mar

Today I went for my follow up appointment with GP. I told her that I wasn’t feeling great on the tablets – sickly and shaky and she assured me that this was normal and if I could stick with it for a couple of weeks the side effects would diminish.

We again spoke about suicidal tendencies and I said nothing had really changed in that department but I think I’m just looking for a way to stop the pain and that’s the only thing I can see as the light at the end of the tunnel. She asked me if I would attend A&E if she phoned a head to see someone from the mental health team. I said no, I wouldn’t go as I don’t feel I am in that bad a place and the service could be used for someone who really needed it.

She seemed to accept this and told me to make an appointment for the two weeks’ time but that she wouldn’t be there anymore so to make with one of the surgery GP’s. Again did as I was told and left feeling like at least someone was taking the way I felt seriously. She was hopeful that by the time I saw the other GP the tablets would have started to make a difference and we could go from there.



10 Mar

This blog is made up of my scribblings since I started feeling low. From March 11th until 11th October 2011, all the posts are based on what I could make out my writings at the time to so if you find them switching between and past and present tense that is why, I am trying to rewrite them as if it was at the time but sometimes slip into past tense!

From October 11th onwards, I will be writing as things happen – this is mainly for my benefit but if you have stumbled across this blog then please feel free to let me know your thoughts – I want the stigma attached to PTSD reduced. This, thankfully is happening more in the armed services and there are a lot of support groups for them – but yet to find the same for people suffering from PTSD outside that area.


GP Appointment

08 Mar

Today I went to see the GP. I haven’t been to this doctor’s surgery before and so just accepted the first appointment available and I ended up seeing a locum. I explained how I felt and very briefly mentioned what had happened to me. I told her that I had been really struggling with my emotions and especially worried as I keep thinking that the only answer is suicide. I tried to be as open and honest as I could and as a result she prescribed me an anti-depressant and asked me to make an appointment to go back next week.

I really don’t know about taking any tablets. I think that I am feeling this way because of what happened to me and not because of being depressed (think that’s a symptom of, not a problem in its own right). However, after a lot of thought I have decided to give the anti-depressants a go as I don’t think I could feel much worse than I do now so why not?!


Getting Help

01 Mar

After spending the past 2 months feeling more and more down, dealing with things I have found out to be flashbacks and generally struggling to get out of bed, I have decided I need to do something about it before I end up doing something I would regret.

So I have made an appointment to see a GP. I have conflicting feelings about this – firstly I am glad I still have the motivation to do something about this but on the other hand I feel like I am wasting an appointment and someone who really needs it should be taking it. I don’t know what the doctor can do and am nervous they will tell me to get on with things and stop being so stupid.