Archive for April, 2011


18 Apr

The previous 2 weeks have been pretty much the same as my last post and I haven’t felt like doing any writing. The crisis team were coming round 2 or 3 times a week to check on me and still felt like a waste of time. They kept telling me to go out for a walk as I needed to get out of bed.  The thing is with me is I am extremely impulsive and if I wanted to go for a walk, I would have – but I would have been more inclined to go for a jog or something. I hate being told what to do and especially because I need to feel I have control over everything in my life right now, someone telling me to go for a walk actually has the opposite effect on me. I dig my heels in and think I’ll go out when I want, not just because someone has told me to. Me? Stubborn? Never!!

So in all my wisdom, I have decided to ask to be discharged from the crisis team and they have sent me back to see my GP – full circle in less than 3 weeks – that’s quite a feat!



04 Apr

I met the cpn (community psychiatric nurse) who would be the person supposedly in charge of my case whilst I was with the crisis team. The problem was I didn’t like her. It felt like she didn’t understand (or want to understand) the way I was feeling and kept just telling me that if I had any suicidal feelings to take a bath or make a cup of tea.

I get the fact I was only with them as they thought I was high risk of suicide but by them being there asking me all the time, it made me think about it even more than I previously was and I did feel they were making me worse.


Crisis Team

02 Apr

Yesterday I got a quick call to arrange a visit from the crisis team to come around to my apartment (I live alone). The woman seemed nice enough and she said it would be her and one other visiting me. I am not sure why, but I assumed it would be another woman and so when a man turned up, I became very anxious and felt myself close down and put my barriers up.

In all honesty, I didn’t see the point of them coming round.  They gave me numbers to call if I felt suicidal and told me someone would come again on Monday (on their own this time) and that was pretty much it.