Archive for July, 2011


29 Jul

Yet another assessment!! Today I saw the psychiatrist and we didn’t hit it off very well. I am quite in to quantum physics (well I try to understand it and fail miserably) and the fact that an atom can be in 2 places at once (which has been proven) and the possibilities this opens up eg does this mean we can be in two places at once? Or does reality actually exist or only when we look at it does it materialise?  We ended up talking about this in the appointment and her response was, “did you do physics at a level?” I said, “no” and she said, “well I did so I think I know more than you”. She lost me at this point, I just laughed and will admit to throwing my dummy out and sitting in petulance and only answering the questions with as little info as possible.

Throughout my life I have dealt with an extremely varied set of people – from celebrities to multi-millionaires to the homeless and 1 thing is true for them all. I will show respect once it is gained – you start with a blank slate with me – I don’t care who or what you are or have been. This was also true for the doctor sat in front of me. Just because she had been to university for x amount of years does not mean she should expect my respect – only once she treats me with it will she get it in return!

I left that appointment feeling quite angry and with my medication being upped to maximum dose (sertraline 200mg), another appointment was made for me on 10 days to see if new medication was helping any. The new meds option I had were;

1)      Mirtazapine (another anti-depressant) – to take in addition to the sertraline to try and calm my brain down – the flashbacks have been extremely bad and I am not sleeping so this was option 1 and the one the doctor said she would recommend

2)      Quetiapine (an anti-psychotic) – this would be at a very low dose to try and do the same as option 1 – but this was a stronger drug and so she said would be option 2

I chose option 1 (part of me wanted to chose 2 just to go against her advice but that’s just me and my stubbornness again!!).


First meeting with care-coordinator

25 Jul

I met my care co-ordinator (cc) on her own for the first time today and we had a ton of paperwork to work through. I asked if she had read my notes because by this time I was fed up of telling my story, but she said not in detail as she didn’t want any pre-conceived ideas before meeting me and wanted to hear it from me. I liked this and I think mentally at this point I decided I would let her in and be as open and honest as I could be.

We worked through the questions and I told her that I didn’t think there was any point as I had lost all hope in the system and if I was being completely honest I had a date in mind that I wanted to end things – the 18th August. It had meaning for me for a number of reasons and I was looking in to methods that would be 100% as my biggest fear was failing and ending up in for example a coma or similar.

My GP had told me the previous time I spoke to her that she thought I should see a psychiatrist as the medication wasn’t working as she hoped and as it wasn’t her speciality she wanted a second opinion on everything and maybe I could get a different medication that could help me more. My cc agreed with this and told me she would be in touch once she had spoken to the psychiatrist and got a response from her.

It was later in the day that I had a phone call from my cc and she said the psychiatrist could see me on Friday 29th July. I didn’t expect it to be so quick as I had heard of people waiting months to see one. I said would go and my cc said she would also be there. I must admit I am feeling a bit apprehensive about it. Not only does it mean travelling to see her but I have quite strong thoughts on medication and the whole psychiatric service and I can be very stubborn!!


Handover meeting

19 Jul

In my last post, I said I hoped the member of the crisis team that would be at the handover meeting would be one of the ones I got on with. To be honest, any of the ones I met would have been a help!! However, a man that I had never met turned up – how could he do a handover when he had no idea about me – seriously what was the point of that?

On a positive the care coordinator (cc) seemed really nice and close to my age and seemed like she had a sense of humour – something everyone else in the service seemed to have lacked. I know mental health is serious but sometimes I want to make a sarcastic comment and not be looked at like I have committed some kind of crime!!

The thing I have struggled with in the crisis team is seeing so many different people. I don’t trust and have huge barriers around me and by seeing a different person practically every time meant that neither me nor them were getting anything from the relationship (in 8 weeks I saw 11 different people!). And so I was hopeful that having one person who I would get to know would be a good thing.

At the end of the handover, I made an appointment to see my cc and said goodbye to the crisis team finally!


Yet another assessment….

12 Jul

This is more of a catch up post about things that have gone on since I was discharged from hospital. Firstly, the crisis team. I have done everything they have asked of me; in their words ‘engaged’ with them and yet still the feeling of being low is not being lifted – will this feeling ever go away? I still don’t see the point of them in my case. I am sure they have great success with others but they just don’t ‘get’ me!

Secondly, my GP. I have gotten more from her than the crisis team even though I have seen her only once a week. I feel like she is actually looking out for me rather than me being a statistic. She referred me to primary care as she believes that counselling is the way forward and she also thinks the tablets have made a slight difference so wants me to stay on them. As I have respect for her, I agree to go ahead with her recommendations.

So I received an appointment from primary care to go for an assessment (I have had so many assessments, I’m beginning to get bored of my own history!!) and so yet again off I go with an open mind. Firstly, I had to fill in a questionnaire on a computer which the therapist then looked at and moved on to having a chat. He said he believed CBT would be good for me (I’ll go in to my thoughts on CBT in another post!) and after an hour or so I left. Stupidly, him saying that CBT would be good for me made me believe that I would go on a waiting list with them and get the said CBT.

Er……. No!!

I was told by the crisis team that I had been rejected by primary care as the case was too complex and would be referred to secondary care. This also meant that the crisis team could discharge me to them. As mentioned before, I have never had any experience of the mental health services and so I had no idea what secondary mental health care was and no one was forthcoming at letting me know.

I was told there would be a handover meeting where a member of the crisis team and my allocated new care co-ordinator (no idea what one of these is either) would visit me. I had seen quite a lot of members of the crisis team over the previous weeks but wasn’t sure who would be at the handover. I really hoped it would be one of the ones I got on with so the new woman could get a real view of me.