Archive for October, 2014

Why Should I Have To Distract?

12 Oct


I haven’t posted for a while because my last one got me some trolls on twitter and so I wasn’t actually sure whether I’d ever use this again.

I’m still feeling the same as my last post except now I’m having severe suicidal thoughts. I call them severe because they are at the point of me seriously considering them as my way out (as opposed to just having them as thoughts).

I’ve done as I’m supposed to and called for help to express the way I’m feeling. The answer I could have scripted myself, “you need to distract”. I know this, in fact anyone who has ever been in touch with psychiatric services knows this. But why should I? I’m tired of that, I’m tired of the constant battle in my head – should I, shouldn’t I kill myself?

I’ve even tried the pros and cons list (see I am very rational right now!!) and that points to doing it. And so why should I distract anymore? What is the point? Have a bath, make some tea, are these not just exercises to prolong the obvious?

I will wait until tomorrow and again call the same services that will tell me yet again to distract. I truly am beginning to hate this word now but will take my cue from that conversation.

This post is nothing but a rant really, no words of wisdom or specific that’s happened – just a rant, sorry!!