25 Aug

So here I am again, on a psychiatric ward listening to the usual alarms going off, people kicking off and general hum drum of life on a mental health ward. 

I don’t want to be here, I don’t think I should be here but the choice was pretty much taken out of my hands; go informal or we’ll section you. 

Just so people realise, there is no therapy in these places – the sole purpose is to keep you safe. Now the fact I took an overdose on Sunday (now Tuesday), it’s a bit reactive wouldn’t you say? 

I want to go home I’m in the mixed part of the ward so the room next to me is male. I’ve locked my door but just feel hyper vigilant and unsafe. 

I’ve been ‘clerked in’ where they take your bloods and you literally go over everything the consultant has just been over with you including the reason you’re there (erm because you made me). 

I’ve just asked for some prn (which means as needed) promazine for my anxiety and to try and stop the thoughts ruminating but been told it’s not been written up yet – seriously, what is it with this place, I couldn’t even get paracetamol for a bad headache earlier. 

This post has been long coming, I’ve gone further and deeper in to the black hole. Sorry if this is where it cut off last night, I pressed publish instead of send when I gave my phone in to be charged. 

So it’s now 6.15am on Wednesday morning and I’ve been woken up every 15 mins by them switching my lights on to do observations. So now I’m tired as well as ratty!! Im just going to have to play ball until I can get out of here now! 


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  1. Kirsty

    August 25, 2015 at 11:56 pm

    It’s called ‘covering their arses’ I think! Hospital is probably not the ideal place for you to be and will inevitably aggravate your trauma memories, if only because control has been taken from you once again. But what choice is there for a system which is struggling with the most basic of health problems, let alone complex mental health issues where nothing fits neatly in the right box! Consequently the support and treatment you desperately need is severely lacking. It’s not good enough but it’s the best they can do……
    Please try to stay strong and remember that working with them may get you home quicker and give access to something else that might be successful in relieving some of your distress. You are in my thoughts often K

    • Female PTSD

      August 26, 2015 at 5:46 am

      Thanks very much – it’s true, I need to work with them but it’s tough when I just want to be at home right now and not in a place where I’m getting no more than 15 mins sleep at a time because they are turning my lights on to do obs. Ah well, moaning about it won’t change anything so best just get on with things. Thanks again for your reply x

      • Kirsty

        August 26, 2015 at 9:50 pm

        I hope you are not feeling too bad with the constant disturbances and harassment which always seem inevitable when in hospital. If it’s any consolation (which seems a stupid thing to say but I will say it anyway…..), I am also feeling disturbed and harassed and I am not even in hospital. But then that is the nature of the beast I suppose with PTSD. Hang on in there girl, thinking of you x